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My Sweet Escape
the author

It's M.J. and I have MOVED. lol. my official blog as of 2010 is itsjeime.tumblr.com. so uh, see ya there! :x ps. but yeah, maybe I'll go back here once in a while. :D




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Breathe
Friday, October 2, 2009

mood | sad + confused + angry
music | *silence*

I just really have to get this out or I might explode.

So, last night, AJ and I got into a fight. And I feel it's rather different now.
Before, after we fight I always want to talk to him about it soon after that.
Now, I didn't even call him. And yes, he didn't call or text me either.

I know he loves me. I can feel it. He lets me feel it.
He always takes care of me, always has been my shoulder to cry on, always protects me.
I really am always MYSELF when I'm with him.

But his one problem - honesty.
He doesn't lie very often, but when he does.... Of course, it just totally breaks my heart.
It's like he loves me but he doesn't respect me.
I haven't done anything like this to him EVER!
I don't lie to him cuz that's what I want him to do too!
All I've wanted was for us to be open with each other.
I told him that, no matter what, he must tell me everything, no matter how he thinks it might be painful for me to hear. Just as long as I know he's telling the truth.

2nd chance? More like 10 chances! And now, I think I've really had enough.
I don't wanna cry, but I feel like if I don't I can't feel better about this.
I don't wanna cry cuz I wanna be strong!
I don't wanna cry over a guy.. even though I know how much I love him.

I talked to 2 of my closest friends this morning.
They said I should just take time and think about it.
And that's what I'm doing... and I hate it! I don't wanna think about it anymore!
Everytime I think about it, my heart REALLY hurts... and it sucks! It fucking sucks!

I'm confused.. angry.. sad..
I wanna break it off but every time those happy memories shot through my mind, I think otherwise...
And every time I remember what happened last night, I go back to wanting to break it off..

I really really really hate feeling like this.

I just hope no matter what happens everything will still be ok.
I hope if I still decide to keep this going, nothing like this would happen EVER AGAIN.
Or if I decide to break up with him, then I hope we'll still be really good friends.

xoxo, jeime